Thursday, December 01, 2005

Stranger on a Plane

This is an open letter to all the random strangers who I might one day sit next to on a plane:

Dear Stranger,

I don't want to know who you are. I don't care where you flew in from. I don't care what you do for a living or how boring your conference was. Similarly, I do not want to tell you where I flew in from. Or where I am going. I do not want to tell you what I do for a living. Or where I grew up.

When I put my headphones on, it means I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO YOU. I do not want to tell you what song I am listening to or what movie I am watching. I WANT TO PRETEND YOU ARE A MANNEQUIN AND NOT AN ACTUAL HUMAN BEING.

And, yes, you may argue that I am a product of the 21st century. That it is sort of sick and sad that I have retreated so far into my battery-operated world that I am incapable of communicating with other humans. You know what? I don't care. My IPOD is more interesting than you. Accept it. And, on top of that, you scare the shit out of me. I have watched enough Oprah in my life to know that most strangers are disgusting weirdos.

LEAVE ME ALONE. I HATE YOU.

Sincerly, Jenny

(In case you were wondering---Yes. I had the most wretched plane experience of my life today.)

6 comments:

SOB said...

The porn on my new video ipod is pretty interesting too.

Donny B said...

Hilarious letter.

Any details about this plane flight we should know? Might be kind of fun to share...

Fred said...

But what if the stranger is really, really ridiculously good looking?

femme feral said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
femme feral said...

ha ha jenny. who else do you wanna write these poison pen leters to? academics with bad hairdos?

Theodora said...

I really enjoy your blog, found you on The Superficial. And I have complete empathy about how annoying strangers can be. I'm a total misanthrope.