Saturday, November 19, 2005

Cry Baby

Okay, I have to admit that I feel a little bad about the title for this post, which suggests that I am making fun of 11-year-old Dakota Fanning, who--just this week--was famously spotted crying on her way out of the Fred Segal store on Melrose. The truth is, I am just jealous. I am jealous of the fact that--at the tender age of eleven--she appears to have a personal shopper, who not only carries her bags, but who also appears to serve as a personal therapist. If there is one thing I would love to have it is a combination personal shopper - personal therapist. Because as far as I'm concerned, the two go hand in hand.

When I was in the sixth grade, I was no less torturted. I was just a hell of a lot less stylish than Dakota. Not only did I not have a personal shopper--in my sixth grade school photograph I was wearing an oversized souvenir t-shirt my father brought me from Arizona--I also did not have a personal therapist. Which is probably why I spent a good part of my seventh grade year skipping gym class and hiding out in the locker room pretending to get high off of the open bottle of Whiteout that my friends used to pass around instead of playing dodgeball.

It sort of makes me sick that I can't think of anything bad to say about Dakota Fanning. She is really cute and sweet. On The Tonight Show she tried to sell Jay Leno some Girl Scout Cookies. And if there is one thing I hate more than a child star it is child star who appears to be grounded in reality. If she grows up to be a respectable actress who makes good decisions about movie roles, never compromises herself or her image, stays away from drugs and alcohol, and wins an Academy Award before she's 25, I'm going to shoot myself.

12 comments:

Emily said...

I suspect Dakota Fanning is crying because while in Fred Segal she suddenly realized that her 15 minutes of cute is almost up. Doesn't anyone else get the feeling that she's just about to turn? I don't even think the straight teeth are going to help.

By the way, Jenny, I'm pretty sure that you did have a personal assistant/therapist at that age, since I think it's called, her mom.

And if I'm right about that, then I'm doubly right about the fact that Dakota is going to wake up one morning real soon and not be cute anymore.

Jenny said...

Oh, i didn't know that was her mom. In that case, it's cute.

My mom, however, would not have qualified as a personal shopper when I was young. She seemed more bent on making sure I was the most unfashionable kid EVER. "Jenny," she'd argue, "You don't need Guess? jeans to be cool."

Um, yes, mom, I did. I did need Guess? Jeans to be cool. Those tapered knock-offs that you bought me from JCPenny's didn't really cut it with the cool kids in 7th grade. I did, in fact, need those Guess? Jeans. Really badly.

femme feral said...

If I'd had all that money when I was 11 I probably would have spent it on barbie and my little pony. that's how uncool I was.

Donny B said...

Love your blog!

Dakota's cuteness is already wearing out. With those huge eyes she reminds me of an alien. But she is apparently the most powerful actress in Hollywood (according to Entertainment Weekly) so maybe we should stop saying anything bad about her...they could be watching.

Jenny said...

Yeah, you could be right. After all, she did do that movie with Tom Cruise. The cuteness could just be an act.

Emily said...

The thing I actually like about Dakota, besides the fact that she's about to "turn", is that she is still just such a kid. I mean, she can be a total hollywood powerhouse, and be in stylie little jeans and ballet flats and a fitted puffy vest (an outfit that I, as a 28 year old woman, may actually steal) but put her on TRL and here's what happens.

Slutty host points to Dakota's cowboy boots and says something like: Wow, look how stylish you are in your boots.

And Dakota says something to the effect of: Well, I'm promoting a horse movie, so I thought I should wear the boots, you know?

So beautifully un-cool -- I mean, seriously, Michelle, matching your outfit to the movie you're promoting is WAY less cool than blowing all your money on Barbies and my little ponies...but so cute and innocent. Just like when you see a kid at the grocery store in May wearing their halloween costume.

SecretlyTurkish said...

I must take issue with this Dakota Fanning business. I have plenty bad to say about her. In fact, I would have to rummage the recesses of my heart to say anything positive about this annoying, over-acting ham fest. Any time she opens her mouth in a movie, I cringe and consider nailing the screen with a shoe or ash tray, whatever is nearby. While I do not hope she becomes a drug addict or hopeless B-list actress/Maxim cover girl at 17, I do long for the day that she will just go away already. Now, if she had sold Jay Leno Girl Scout cookies with razorblades hidden in them or something, I might just have started me a Team Dakota.

Anonymous said...

She's too darn cute and adorable. I'd want to wrap her in a blankie and call her my baby girl.

Theodora said...

Lol! Ahhhh yes, Guess? Jeans. I remember that. I saved all 58 dollars of my babysitting money just so I could have them. Got them at Clothestime. They weren't the zipper leg ones and they fit me funny and had to be hemmed. But damnit, I had that little red triangle on my ass.

Emilee said...

haha eve though i think you guys are just flipping funny dakota fanning shouldnt be lowered from the fame chain just because she isnt exactly cute .... ofcourse there is still elle fannng the mini me but still dakota Fannign shouldnt be treated that way really... i mean yeah she snt exactly cute anymore but sheis still a outstanding actress. Know i know how Jodie Foster felt when she realied shewasnt cute with fame anymore!!!!

Dana-bee-dreamer said...

Haha. Yea Dakota Fanning isnt exacty cute anymore and the new perlie whites arnt that much of a difference but Dakota Fanning shouldnt be citiziesed because she isnt cute anymore she is more sufisticated than cute i rekon! And yeah i agree that she is a little spoilet but if you had that money you ould also get all of that so... shame on us !! haha.
i stil think dakota is ut even though she's older than me. the only reason she is considered cute is because you have to see her in her ounger appearnces to actually think she is outsanding in her new ones and that what they men by "not cute" lol... i think ive made a point.

Anonymous said...

You guys are complete idiots, thats not a personal shopper. IT'S HER MOM. Haven't you seen an eleven year old cry in public? I mean serously, they have pics of avril lavainge whos twice her age crying in the mall with her bf.
p.s emily she is cute, your probally jelous