Tom Cruise's New Publicist

I have vowed not to do anymore posts about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. I just can't take it anymore. So in order to talk about yesterday's sonagram news in a roundabout way, I am going to talk about Tom Cruise's new publicist.

He sucks.

Because no publicist in his or her right mind would let his client, who is already suspected of believing in and consorting with aliens, buy his wife a sonagram machine. You know why? BECAUSE IT'S WEIRD. IT'S SO WEIRD. AND GROSS. AND WEIRD. Now I didn't major in public relations or anything, and I am not a publicist by trade, but I do know one thing for sure. If the whole world already thought my client was a freak, I'd probably advise him not to do anything freaky for a while. Like buy his fiancee a sonagram machine. I heard that Tom had just recently fired his sister as his pubicist and brought on this new guy to "improve" his public image. Go figure.

(And, oh yeah, Tom, in case you were wondering, the fact that you are going to donate this machine to a needy hospital after the baby is born DOES NOT make this story any less weird. Sorry. In fact, this part of the story makes me hate you even more. You think you can throw away your secondhand shit to poor people and the public will think you are nice or something? I don't think you are nice. I think you are a fucked-up meglomaniac cult leader with too much money on his hands.)