Art Works Stolen in Zurich. Jenny Lamenting Career Choice.

Four impressionist masterpieces were stolen by armed robbers from a gallery in Zurich on Sunday. Peter Rüegger, head of the police investigation, has said that, “This is the largest ever art robbery in Switzerland, and it would be hard to find a bigger example elsewhere in Europe."

And I'm not so much concerned about the paintings as I am in wondering why nobody ever told me when I was growing up that "chief investigator of priceless, famous art robberies" was an actual job that you could get. Because that might have changed things for me. I might have spent a lot less time reading bullshit essays about deconstruction and postdeconstruction and pre/post/deconstruction if I would have known that instead I could have been reading "How to Chase Art Thieves Through Europe." Peter Rüegger is my hero. Right now he's dusting for fingerprints, reviewing grainy, mysterious security footage, and booking overnight flights to places like Copenhagen, and what am I doing? Grading papers. Ugh.

Is it at all possible?

Is it at all possible that we could put some sort of moratorium on the Jay-Z cameo/guest appearance/two-minute rap insert? It's getting really freakin' old. I just did an informal count and I swear that that probably over 50% of songs for sale on iTunes are advertised as "featuring Jay-Z."

I don't like to use cliches or anything, but I think it would quite literally be easier to find a needle in a haystack than a song on iTunes WITHOUT a Jay-Z cameo. Just this week I tried to download this Rhianna song for my workout mix, and I had to buy THREE versions before I got the one without Jay-Z in the background shouting, "Oh, oh, Rihanna! Little lady! You so crazy!" Ugh. It makes my ears burn just to type that out.

Will someone shut him up already? Isn't he retired? I used to like his stuff, but to be honest my Jay-Z tolerance level is very low right now. And I know some people think he's like a lyrical genius or whatever, but I ask you to consider the following from "Rehab by Amy Winehouse featuring Jay-Z":

my heroin flows more lethal than Marilyn's nose
im gonna OD till im in peace like Anna Nicole.

Now, that's just stupid. NO MORE JAY-Z! Either make your own music or stay out of the game.

EFF you UNITED AIRLINES

Dear United Airlines,

I don't have enough middle fingers to express my anger when i think about the recent assaults your company has made on me and my friends who have recently has flown with you guys. Exactly how many excuses are there in your UA customer service employee handbook? I mean, i thought i heard it all, but every time another person flies UA, i hear another horror story and a new excuse....pilot cannot fly over certain # of hours, didn't fill the fuel up all the way, plane hasn't arrived, and my favorite, the ever vague "mechanical problems". F YOU! BTW, i'd rather you lie to me than tell me the plane i'm about to board is having mechanical problems that are being fixed by your disgruntled employees that all hate you.

Do you know that you guys SINGLE-HANDEDLY F'd up my birthday this year? I was sitting alone in the airport bar the night of my birthday drinking a 10$ Miller lite beer because the plane was delayed 4 hours for so-called "mechanical problems" before you allowed us to board the plane, only to then watch the pilot physically walk-off the plane before our flight got canned. That was loads of fun.

Are you guys familiar with that gesture where you raise your fist in the air with one arm, then place your other perpendicular to that arm? WELL TAKE THAT YOU BITCHES!!

Jean

Be Back in a Minute........

Sometimes I see pictures that I just want to put up somewhere, and there's nowhere else to do it but here. So I think I might start putting up posts again. Gwenyth Paltrow just looked so cute here, with her little pigtails and her cool, over-sized bag, and her streaky highlights, and I just wanted to share it.

So, I'll think of something to say a little later. Be back soon.


---Jenny

Happy Harvest Moon Day

Did you know that today is korea's national holiday for harvest moon? sort of like Korea's version of thanksgiving. Just wanted to say to all of our Korean readers: HAPPY CHUSOK! This is google's shout out to last years harvest moon celebration!

I Waited a Whole Year for This?

36 days, 12 hours, 15 minutes left to go in my one year purse-buying ban, and what do I find out? I find out that the new "it" purse looks like a loaded trash bag. Fantastic.

I think I might try to hold out til Christmas. Unless the Hefty Cinch Sak is on special this week at Costco.

Emmy Awards 2007

Jean's Take: Okay, i've only been flipping through sporadically, but is anyone else a little bored? Has it always been like a 360 stage? because i dont' like it; makes me feel weird even at home!

Jenny's Take: [What's up, B? Are you online?] I just started watching, but all I know is that Lost better not get any awards. That show should get punished. A negative award for being so confusing and for being stingy with explanations.

Jean's Take:[B. I wish we were watching the Emmy's together!] I'm with you there about LOST! I'm even mad that Locke won an award, this implies that people watch that crappy TV show.

Jenny's Take: Locke won an award? Oh brother. He's the most confusing part of the show. Wasn't he the dumbass that blew up the only ship that could've gotten them all off of the island? He's like the Gilligan of Lost. Any other surprises? Please don't tell me something like "The Office" got edged out by "Three Men and a Half a Kid" or whatever that show is called with Charlie Sheen.

Jean's Take: Also, WHY did Juliana DePandy keep asking the guests what they think about OJ Simpson's arrest on the red carpet? I'd be like "Ummm.....who cares? but i'm wearing Versace". AND where is my favorite show BONES! Why hasn't there even been a mention of it?

Jenny's Take: Yeah! WTF. Where's Bones??? She rules! I love Bones. But Prime Suspect DID just win three. So that kind of makes up for it. Prime Suspect is the best crime drama EVER.

Jean's Take: YAY! the Office just got one! Is there just ONE category for Reality TV? My vote is for "Flavor of Love". Really, that is some reality i ONLY want to see on TV.

Jenny's Take: Holy shit! That skit with Kanye was so funny! It was so funny I forgot to vomit after they announced that the Amazing Race won some kind of award. (Seriously. Who watches that show? Does anybody watch that shit? I'd rather watch Find a Date with Scott Baio. If that's even a show. )

Jean's Take: I LOVE Kanye....or do i love $0.50? I can't decide. I'm just glad that Kanye didn't decide to ban the Emmy's too!

As if we females don't have a hard enough time in science!

I am at a loss of things to write, so i decided to shed some light on an old, but little known story about one of my scientific idols..... or at least used to be.

Susumu Tonegawa, who is the first asian guy to win the Nobel prize in medicine and who made a serious scientific breakthrough in the 80's, was recently accused of intimidating an up and coming female junior scientist out of a job at MIT, where he is a senior scientist. Was he accused only by the female candidate? NO. He was accused by 11 other colleagues in his department. C'mon, 11 people can't be wrong. What a jerk. To read the story, Click here

Are you feeling insecure because her career is starting to blossom while yours is kinda winding down? Did she turn you down for a dinner invitation? What happened? Because you really look like an idiot intimidating some young female scientist during her interview.

Britney girl, what the hell?

Okay, i've been really busy at work lately, and although there's all this buzz about how Britney killed herself at the VMA awards a few days ago, i didn't have time to check this stuff out online for myself until tonight.
So of course, to watch the video, I went to youtube.com....and shockingly, i could not find that damn video for the life of me! It's simply not there. There are spoofs, there are interviews about it, but the actual video is MIA.
What the hell? Where is this video that should be plastered all over the internet??????? WHERE IS IT! Well, after some detective work, i finally found that its ONLY on the MTV website! Click here to watch this awful trainwreck for yourself........

Now that you've seen it, i'm sure your feeling the same as me.... yucky inside. It reminds me of that one embarrassing moment in my life that traumatized me.....except not on national TV and the plastered all over the news. and not career breaking, and not half naked.

Just in Case You Were Making a Scrapbook of All the Things Wrong with the World:

.....here is a picture of ex-N'Sync singer Lance Bass "closing" the NASDAQ stock exchange in New York. Why? I have no idea. Does it really matter?

Hopes = Crushed

A few months ago I heard that Joaquin Phoenix (celebrity crush #1) and Mark Ruffalo (celebrity crush #3) were doing a movie together called Reservation Road. As if this wasn't reason enough to celebrate, when I googled the movie this picture you see on the left came up. AWESOME! I thought to myself. It looks all scary and eerie and creepy and woodsy, but not like in a stupid Paris Hilton House of Wax way, but in a Twin Peak-sy, Zodiac meets Signs kind of way. In other words, Jenny's Movie Heaven. I immediately blocked out its release date--October 19th--on my calendar with a big red heart.

Well, GUESS WHAT?? This picture is a lie! A big, huge LIE! It turns out this movie is about a kid getting in a car accident and one father having to confront the other father who caused the crash. It's about "family bonds" and "forgiveness" and "reacting to tragedy in unexpected ways." In other words: a long, belabored, quiet movie where nobody talks and everybody cries. The kind of movie that depresses you for days after and forces you to conjure up all the terrible, horrible things that could happen in your own life. What a blast. Big red heart = erased.

WRESTLE-MANIA

For all of you that missed this years event of events, here are a few pictures which btw, just don't do it justice, but if you can imagine consecutive 90 second timed matches, mostly two girls vs. a guy in a big 10x10 pit of clay-based mud.

you tube videos to come...but for now this will have to do!
http://flickr.com/photos/throwherinthewater/

Things I Learned from Dominick Dunne

I am sitting on the couch now watching a marathon of "Dominick Dunne: Power, Privilege, and Justice"--a true crime show that focuses on domestic murders that happen in wealthy American suburbs. I am not proud to admit this, but as I am sitting here watching I just can't hold my tongue any longer. Murderers are SO DUMB! Show after show, they keep making the same mistakes. The same ridiculous mistakes. Don't they ever watch 48 hours? Have they ever heard of Dateline NBC? Idiots. Seriously. Here is some advice for all you would-be criminals:

(1) If you are going to murder someone in your household, do not break the window from the inside and claim it was an intruder. (I swear that 50% of murderers get caught this way. The police are like, "ummm, if someone broke in, then why did the glass break out?")

(2) Do not buy the murder weapon at Home Depot. On the day of the crime. With your credit card. Also, sticking your hair up in a baseball cap to "hide" from the security cameras is not an effective strategy. Neither is leaving the itemized receipt listing rat poison and duct tape in the front seat of your car.

(3) Do not purchase a multi-million dollar life insurance policy on your victim the day before the murder. And if you somehow get away with this, wait a few years before using the dough. DO NOT drive to the funeral in a brand new Ferrari.

Okay. Now that I've gotten that off my chest, I gotta get off of this couch.

Happy Labor Day!

Happy Labor Day, everyone! I've been looking forward to this day all year--the annual Murder, She Wrote marathon on the Hallmark Channel. And it's thunderstorming pretty severely here, so I won't even have to go to any boring picnics. I can watch Jessica Fletcher all day!

Good thing, too. Cause I've had a bad cold all week and I can't think of anything better to do today than lying on my couch, popping cough drops and solving crimes.

Happy End of Summer!

Good Luck, Jean!

Today Jean takes her "Driver Improvement Test," so I'm sending some good luck her way. I'm feeling slightly guilty about the whole thing considering she got the tickets while driving me to 7-11 for some Red Bull. Also, I may have infuriated the police officer who pulled us over by arguing with her and telling her she was making up lies. Oh wait, no. That was Jean that did that. I guess I don't feel so guilty after all.

Happy Birthday, Karen!

English Judges are Suckers

The British government needs to get its act together and appoint a judge who's got some balls. I'm all for Peter Doherty and everything, but even I'm getting a little sick of him getting all these second chances.

This week, AGAIN, Pete got the old "this is your LAST chance" speech. My god. What's wrong with these judges? Notice: Pete Doherty is not afraid of your threats. Somebody send the boy to jail for god's sake.

It's sort of like how I am at Blockbuster. Everytime I try to rent a movie, they tell me I owe a late fee. And, everytime, I'm, like, "Oh--shit, I'm out of cash--can I just pay it next time?" I've owed Blockbuster $4.25 for like four years now. And just as sure as I am that I will NEVER be paying that late fee, Pete Doherty is not going to get clean unless you lock him up in a jail cell and let him sweat it out the Trainspotting way. Not ever.