Monday, February 27, 2006

Things That Are Wrong With Me

Number One: I am incapable of putting together furniture from Ikea. The ottoman you see on the left came in like four parts. With maybe eight screws max. And now look at it. The camera is not distorting anything. It's that crooked in real life. I worked for like two hours on that thing.

Number Two: Today I bought a bottle of hand lotion that cost $25. I have no idea why. It's just that the bottle was so pretty and the saleswoman was so nice. And I had a bad day and I just wanted something wrapped up in tissue paper to take home with me. And they don't wrap up cheap hand lotion in tissue paper. You have to buy the expensive kind. Why does expensive hand lotion make me happy? Why can't I be one of those people who gets happy when they go for a jog? (I hate those people.)

Number Three: I can't overcome my addiction to Diet Coke. I just can't do it. I want it all the time. It's like crack. On Thursday I bought a 24 pack of diet coke and a 24 pack of water and told myself that I had to drink one water for every diet coke. At last count I have 23 waters in my refrigerator and negative 3 diet cokes. (The 24 pack + three trips to the vending machine.)


Dop said...

God, I laughed til I cried. You sound so over it all. I love it.

Emily said...

I love you so much, Jenny. I am on day two of weight watchers and am ready to put my fist through a I can completely relate to the diet coke and lotion binge.

Here are my thoughts:
1. things from Ikea are not easy to assemble unless you are some kind of assembly wizard.

2. A diet coke addiction is not such a bad thing as far as addictions go. If anything, the caffine will make you feel a little peppier and more productive, and you probably don't run the risk of say, stealing a car and having to go to jail.

3. As for the $25 hand lotion, it's still not clear to me why you even feel like you have to justify that purchase. Sounds like money well spent.

SK said...

I can relate the Diet Coke obsession. My office just put a coke machine in and I find myself hoarding quarters and dollar bills for my daily (hourly) fix.

Regarding pretty hand lotion- $25 is not too much for something that makes you feel good. At least that's my excuse when I have to buy a different Yankee candle for every room in my house and for each season.

Nicole said...

As I have given up negativity for lent (no, I'm not catholic, I just like to pretend sometimes), I would like to say that:

These are not things that are wrong with YOU.

1. I worked at IKEA for about five minutes once and there stuff is crap. You assembled it correctly, it just happens to sit that way because their stuff is crap. Nothing wrong with you. Much wrong with Sweden.

2. Jogging, bad. Tissue paper, good. Again, nothing wrong with you.

3. Quitting is for quitters. Therefore, quitting = something wrong with you. As is, nothing wrong with you.

YOU are perfect, other things are fucked.

Nicole said...

yeah, i just spelled their like there and can't figure out how to edit. nice. see, nothing wrong with YOU, something wrong with ME.

Kaia said...

I was fully addicted - completely - i never drank coffee - so diet coke was my thing for caffeine. First thing in the AM - i'd crack one open to get my day started - etc - kept going throughout the day - never had any issues sleeping b/c my body was SO used to having caffeine streaming thru my blood. One day - i just gave it up. Stopped. Completely. I had a headache for 3 days and was a bitchy tired wench for a good 5 - but after that - haven't had it since - that was almost 2 years ago.

I totally understand the lotion thing - mine is expensive designer handbags - like the YSL one you show a few posts up. Meow. I collect them - and it's ridculous. But, like the fancy lotion, or new gucci slides, or weekly mani / pedi's - it's a little treat for yourself to make you feel better.

Never stop treating yourself :)